You know, I shouldn't be upset over something so trivial but I am. Its just who I am - to get upset about the trivial stuff. Today of all days tho, thats what really hurts the most. I probably wouldn't have done it anyway but still, it would have been nice to be asked. At least then I would think that someone actually cares out there.

Thats not entirely true, I do have people that care but this was the one person I thought would have at least sent me a message, but no, it hasn't happened. I think this has just really made my decision so much easier and I no longer need to feel guilty about anything.

The worst part of it all is not that it happened but that it happened with that other person. It really put me in my place I guess...

Thats that!

I've been thinking....

the worse day of my life by far was 23rd Feb 2008. Yet althought i hve spent the last year in some sort of bad emotional headspace, i hve spent less time crying, thinking & analysing everything than the entire of 2007. I really did spend most of 2007 crying, nearly every week i was in tears over something - mostly that boy but still i would hve thought that my father dying would me i would basically become an emotional vegetable.

my niece reckons that sometimes the worse things that happen to use make us stronger and i can only think that its true. Sometimes i think maybe i didn't love my dad as much as i thought because i hven't been spending all year sitting in the corner crying. But then again maybe me being as strong as i am means that i loved him so much that i know he had a great life and has left such an amazing legacy.

Its weird tho, i mean i do miss him so much and i would love to see him & talk to him just one more time, but then again one more time is never enough. Its weird that its taken this massive upheaval in my life to make me stronger...